DAUGHER IN NEED IS DAUGHTER INDEED

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DAUGHTER IN NEED IS DAUGHTER INDEED

    Having children is wonderful but having a daughter is like icing on the cake. Parents  involuntarily have a special affinity for their daughters tend to display that little extra warmth not to forget a bit of pampering. In return daughters who are naturally more expressive flaunt their uninhibited affection and caring nature. As you all know a daughter never fails to ask her mother if she has eaten or  her father if he has recovered from previous day head ache. It is also true that this bonding is for a life time.DAUGHER IN NEED IS DAUGHTER INDEED

    But is the role of a daughter complete by just being affectionate , caring, obedient and earning a good name after marriage?

     While a woman carries out plenty of responsibilities as a wife, daughter in law and a mother her responsibilities as a daughter are very limited. This is because when a woman gets married she ceases to be a daughter. Why is this? Because of  these so called traditions of our society.

  • Daughter is considered as someone else’s property.(Paraye ghar ki hai)
  • It is not right to eat or drink at daughter’s place.
  • You should always give a daughter but not take anything from her.
  • Only sons have to take care of parents.

      Most of you might think that these customs don’t exist in today’s modern times but the sad fact is that they are very much prevalent even today and once again mostly in the  so called educated class of society.

     I blame the parents first for bringing up their daughters with such notions but as usual I blame the daughters more as despite being educated they follow these customs blindly.

    Time and again I’ve written that education is a powerful tool not only to make one economically independent but also widens one’s thinking and gives you the power to question and be assertive with reasoning.

  Time has come for these educated girls to bring about a change.

  Changes like

  • Right from day one of marriage they should let their husband and in laws know that importance of their relationship with their parents.
  • Never get in to a situation where they need to seek permission to visit their parents.
  • Have freedom to invite their parents and ensure that they are comfortable and treated with respect.
  • Never hesitate to give them gifts on special occasions.
  • Finally make everyone realize that a daughter is as much a child to parent as a son and since we are talking about equality she should shoulder her responsibilities as a son.

  Parents spend a lifetime raising and settling their children so it is alo the responsibility of daughter to take care of them during their old age. It is now the turn of the daughters

  • To give timely help when needed.
  • Give them company when they are lonely.
  • Take care of their medical needs.
  • To provide financially if required.
  • To be a pillar of support for them.

       Women might perceive husband, in laws, work etc. as restrictions but the biggest restriction I believe is self restriction. If a woman is determined she will never compromise on this beautiful relationship for the sake of others.

   Today a lot of daughters are proudly coming forward to shoulder these responsibilities and this is the beginning of INSPIRING CHANGE.

   A daughter is capable of giving a life time of love and care but her greatest achievement will be when a parent can confidently say “ My daughter can handle this , I can depend on her” as after all DAUGHTER IN NEED IS DAUGHTER INDEED.

Athena Mira

Inspiring change is the theme for the week, read more and be inspired try Inspiring Change- Where to start?A Better me and How to be a better mother?

   

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17 Responses

  1. shafiya says:

    This article is indeed an inspiration to us women.We do have to look after our parents as they do not leave any stone unturned in fulfilling our wishes as kids. So if your parents have looked upon you as princess when you were a child ,it is your turn to treat them as king and queen in their twilight years.

  2. Chandra says:

    Very inspiring post. But its easier said than done. For a daughter to be all this, she needs to grow up in a certain support system and needs to be married into one.

  3. Fayaz Pasha says:

    A very good post Mira. It may be easy for a girl to climb Mount Everest than making some of the decisions as said above. In some households it is even difficult to make a call to her parents let alone visiting them. After living the life of a princes she suddenly finds herself in a Military Academy where she has to think twice whether to smile or not.

    Traditions and Customs have brainwashed the Society so much that they resist and vehemently oppose if any change occurs. In view of this it is best to clarify some of the above points and agree upon them before marriage.

    I have discussed the issues on Pre-Marital Agreement in my posts:
    http://muslimweddingflight.com/security-check-premarital-agreement
    http://muslimweddingflight.com/sample-terms-conditions-premarital-agreement

    • Diana says:

      I agree with you Mr. Pasha. Where pre-nuptial agreements are concerned, I think we must take a leaf out of the Western world’s book.
      All points and expectations must be discussed before marriage and a consensus must be reached.

      • Fayaz Pasha says:

        Diana, we make agreements for employment, real estate, business, etc, in order to secure the interests of both parties in case of any eventualities. Unfortunately, when it is known that partnership in a marriage too has such eventualities where one needs to be safeguarded particularly women who are at risk should make an Agreement on certain important issues and not leave matters to hope and ambiguity. Making an Agreement and having it legalized will certainly protect both partners and there will be less room for any one taking undue advantage of the other.

        • Diana says:

          I agree completely. Marriage is an agreement between the spouses and must be viewed as such. Indians must learn to be pragmatic and practical about such things and not get overly sentimental and superstitious. Having duties and responsibilities spelt out in black and white is not only sensible, but also the need of the hour.

  4. ayesha says:

    Good post, Mira. I, for one, whole heartedly support the views mentioned. It is difficult, yes, but not impossible. Daughters should realise that they have two families to take care of, after their marriage. Gaining one family does not mean that they have to lose one. Being in touch with our parents helps them alleviate their loneliness and a running commentary on their grandkids’ progess keeps them happily occupied. So, daughters, however busy our lives, we should never be too busy for our parents.

  5. Indrani says:

    Good note on daughters.
    A lot depends on the upbringing and the company they keep as they grow up. Under right conditions they are truly our heart’s asset.

  6. real proud of thois post :-)
    DAUGHER IN NEED IS DAUGHTER INDEED apt for this post

    • shee_shee12345 says:

      Thank you and I am sure you are surely a good daughter. Your awesome recipes are sure yummmmmmmmmmmmy.

  7. It is seen that too much of interference by the parents of the wife leads to more divorces in India. Nowadays most couples live in nuclear families, away from anyone’s family in these circumstances too much of interference by any family can lead to a bitter relation.

    Also when the daughter calls her parents to her matrimonial home, give them gifts etc and offer royal treatment the daughter should do all of these out of her own income and NOT from husband’s income. Remember, in an ideal marriage woman has no contribution. The wife come empty handed while she demands all property and equal share in everything without contribution. In this case if the husband has to take responsibility of her parents as well, then it will be awful for him.

    • shee_shee12345 says:

      1. Are you married sir?
      2. Hats off to your wife if you are married.
      3. If you are not married, I pity the lady entering your life.

    • Diana says:

      Oh boy!!! Are you for real???
      Haven’t you heard of a custom of daylight robbery called dowry wherin the groom’s family shamelessly loots the bride’s family and even more shamelessly confiscates all the jewels, cash, goods, etc for their own use???
      in an ideal marriage, a woman contributes nothing!!!!????? WOW!!! I’ll not insult my intelligence by replying to this.

  8. Diana says:

    Wonderfully written Mira. Trust me, I have to listen to “We’re not supposed to take gifts from our daughter” quite often!!! :) And this when I’m not even married!!! But I have put my foot down and MAKE them take gifts as and when I please!! It’s upto the current generation to stop this rot and INSPIRE CHANGE and make such prehistoric ideas a thing of the past.

  9. Mridula says:

    The most sensible thing I read in the whole day today, no let me make it the whole week!

    • shee_shee12345 says:

      Hi Mridula,

      The strength of this article is that its written by a daughter who has beaten all odds to be a daughter indeed. Glad that you liked the post so much and its one of the best we have on our site. Thank you for the heart felt appreciation, means a lot to us.

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