How Do So Many Wives End Up Being The Doormat?

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How do so many wives end up being the doormat?

wife as a doormat

Do you know what’s the common advice given to the men on their wedding day? It’s not at all hard to guess. Keep your newly wedded wife in control from the first day or she will be out of your hands.

Now I do not know how many men laugh it off or how many follow it through out their lives. Indian men are always known to be mamma’s boys and they have numerous prejudices of what an ideal wife should be. For him , a perfect wife means his mother’s shadow, an embodiment of selfless love and care, maker of delicious and healthy meals and above all that keeps an impeccable home. My mom did it for my dad and what’s wrong with it? This is the argument put forth. Sadly this scenario is seen everywhere and is carried over from one generation to the next.

To have a docile and a submissive wife is considered to be ideal but marriage is based on equal partnership. The husband starts inviting his friends and colleagues to dinner at an hours notice. He does not believe in consulting his wife when he is making any major decision like buying a flat or investing in shares. His wife’s role is confined as a homemaker and a mom. The  problem is that they think they are right in assuming that a wife should not be involved in anything outside the domestic scene.

Being treated as a doormat strips you of layers of confidence and self esteem. I completely believe that you are  the reason how people treat you. If you lie on the floor and allow people to walk all over you ,then don’t complain about being a doormat. There are so many reasons a wife allows herself to be used this way.

  • The underlying fear of being abandoned. The wife should realize that there is a difference in the  spouse  leaving and the threat of leaving. It just doesn’t count.
  • Being financially dependant on the husband makes the wife to bow to each and every demand .
  • Bringing the kids into the equation is the last straw any woman can bear.  The very thought of not being  a part of their child’s life scares the mother to submit. They console themselves telling that it is for the betterment of the kids future.
  • The shame of having an unsuccessful marriage and parental  pressure to compromise.

But do as you please you can never satisfy your husband and hence the respect and the intimacy in this sacred relation is lost. So try stop bending backwards to please your partner. It just does not serve any purpose except making your husband to increase his dominance over you. Not all fault lies with the men. There are women whose attitude scream out to  be treated as a doormat.They are happy to wait on their hubbies when they enter their home at midnight with a smile and a hot cup of tea. Some are even willing to look the other way at their husband’s infidelity.

Women should take a stand about what they expect from their husbands and refuse to take this kind of treatment meted out to them. Having a support group of friends always  help but in the end you are the only person who can help yourself. Knowing what you need in your life partner and conveying the message to your husband is the first step. It is not easy and the changes will not be dramatic but being assertive helps and may bring about a change which will make you a person who is comfortable in her own skin.

Athena Shafiya

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