Is it Safe to Outsource Parenting?
Being a parent is a most important role a person plays in his/her life. To be responsible for another person’s life, habits, upbringing is the biggest challenge a mother can face. Granted, that school too plays a major role in molding the character of the kid, but it is their environment at home that cements the bond in relationships.
Being career oriented, women marrying in their 30s is the norm. So to have kids and to have a career, the upbringing of kids gets compromised. Here let me tell you that I am not pointing fingers at working women or that they neglect their children, but how it affects day to day life of the child at home.
In the early stages a nanny is employed to look after the baby’s basic needs like feeding, cleaning and putting them to sleep. But how many of the parents who employ these nannies are 100% sure that the babies are looked well. Whether the baby has been fed with hygienically cooked food or does the nanny have the patience to put up with the child’s tantrums. There have been instances of maids giving the babies over dose of cough syrups to put the baby to sleep for long hours so that they can have free time for themselves. Not every household is equipped with cameras to know what’s happening every minute.
One more issue is of nannies who unscrupulously dresses up the kid as a beggar’s offspring and rents out to beggars for as little as Rs.200 per day. Thinking of this possibility sends shivers up my spine. Kids aged between 6 to 12 have been known to be sexually exploited by the very people who are their designated caretakers. Such scenarios are enough to scare any parent.
Some of us just give out some of the tasks that are not possible to handle to our maids like packing the lunch boxes. The maid packs the lunch and then she only washes the box in the evening, here we don’t even know whether the child finished his/her lunch. A lot of the school projects given to the kids are actually not for the kids it’s just a homework given to us the parent. If it’s making a postbox or a medical kit, going out to the market and picking one is easy, why bother and make the effort to make it.
Sending kids to tuition because we the parents do not have simply the time or patience is nothing out of the ordinary. Keeping them busy attending classes such as skating, swimming, dancing etc. assuages guilt of the time strapped parents. Most parents base their actions on gut reaction. Some parents are instinctively better at comprehending their kid’s reaction. We usually follow our parent’s tactics in bringing up our kids which usually means harsh discipline. Your relationship with your parents reflects upon their relation with your kids and we tend to see our dreams through our kids future. Treating them as separate individual, giving them the freedom to spend their time in their own way and letting them follow their chosen path is the way to build a good rapport with the kids.
Is there anything that you can do? Chucking your job and sitting at home is not an option it’s a luxury and not many people have it. The one thing that is steadily rising is our expenses and to meet our requirements, both members of the family working has kind of become the norm.
Nothing beats the warm feelings which come with hands on parenting. The real bonding starts when the kids look up to you for love, comfort and security. Having emotional rapport with kids especially teenagers is usually difficult for any parents but for working parent it is almost as if the kids speak in Greek .Keeping the communication lines open and having the kids coming to share their problems is the best way. There would always be issues and problems in dealing with a teenager but a kid is secure knowing that his parents are always there for them.
Just keep your priorities right
- My job is to support my kids.
- My office job is to support my kid’s financial requirements.
- I don’t have spare time, I have to make time.
- Each aspect of my kid’s life needs my attention.
- Certain times the difficult way is better (like making the project with your kid) than the easy way out.
- I am only going to outsource work that doesn’t need me, like sweeping and mopping the home.
- Buying gifts is not the way out, spending time is.
- What is not possible during working days can be made up for during weekends like having meals together, spending time without any gadgets, discussing the more important things in life other than studies and homework, playing some outdoor or indoor games.
- Plan get-togethers or outings with grand parents or with your kids and their friends.
- Go all out to build bonds.
All the little squabbles, tantrums, the fights, the making ups with your kids, all form sweet and warm memories of parenthood. When you see a child all grown up confident and self-assured, the pride and glow you feel is unbeatable. You realize the time with the kids is precious and well spent.
School free parenting has become the need of the hour. Lets concentrate on the other aspects and give our kids that time that they so badly need. Read more on parenting and try Not a puppet but an individual and Have you ever?