LIFE ITSELF SHOULD NOT BE AN ADJUSTMENT
There is a lot being written about the ‘Doormat Syndrome’ and many of my co-writers have shared their experiences and views regarding the same. What we observe is women whether at home as a wife, daughter in law or at workplace and in society are generally being taken for granted. What’s more , they are even leading their lives according to others’ expectations without being given an opportunity to say or do anything of their choice.
Before we can see how they can get out of this situation it is necessary to introspect two aspects
- Why and How they have got into such a situation?
- Why do many of them feel helpless to fight it out or even get out of it?
The answer dear friends is It is because of their Upbringing and unfortunately it is their Parents who are directly or indirectly Responsible.
A daughter is the apple of her parents’ eyes. They dote on her and tend to be protective towards her. All this is fine but there is one major requirement a daughter needs to fulfill and that is to learn to ADJUST and this adjusting which begins in small ways gradually becomes a way of life.
“You are a girl so you need to adjust”. Many of us have grown up listening to this famous statement. Little girls are expected to adjust with
- Whatever toys they get (even if second hand)
- Dress they wear even if they don’t like the color
- The tantrums of their brother without shouting or fighting back
- Nosy relatives they can’t stand
- The dish served during lunchtime since it is family’s favorite
And as they are growing up they need to make adjustments with
- Their career choices
- Friends they make
- Kind of clothes they wear
- Social life
Parents believe that by doing this it will be Easier For their daughters to Adjust in their Married life.
The sad part is that even if the daughters have not made all these adjustments in their growing up years it is drilled in to their heads that Only By Adjusting their Marriage can be a Success.
Today if there are many wives and daughters in law who are doormats it is because they have been Raised to Be So and if not Encouraged by their parents to Be so.
The tragedy is when these women want to go against it their parents themselves keep dissuading them with one word ADJUST.
- To keep the marriage intact as it is a sacred bond.
- To protect family honor
- For the sake of society
- For the sake of kids and so on so forth.
By going on adjusting these women lose their identity and self -respect. The reason why they feel helpless is because THEIR VERY FIRST SUPPORT SYSTEM THEIR PARENTS HAVE FAILED THEM. They are emotionally blackmailed and just do not have the courage to fight the situation.
Parents should get rid of age old notions and raise their daughters as individuals , appreciate her talents and encourage her to speak and stand up for herself right from a young age. They should make them strong and independent. Rather than always asking them to adjust they should be a pillar of support for their daughter as it is this much needed support that gives her the strength to fight for her rights and dignity in her marital home. They should have confidence in the decisions taken by their daughter and Should Not Let Her Down In Front Of her Husband And her In Laws.
Parents should also stop fearing society as society is nothing but a group of individuals with fixed mindsets . If they change their thinking these parents themselves can create a new society. They should transcend from ancient beliefs and pave way for new views where marriage should be considered an equal responsibility of both husband and wife and both parties need to make adjustments for it to be happy and successful . Agreed a woman may have to make more adjustments but what every woman must remember is LIFE ITSELF SHOULD NOT BE AN ADJUSTMENT.
Feeling used, cheated, tread upon or in other words are you feeling like a doormat. The doormat syndrome is something all Indian women experience in their lives in some form or the other. Read more and learn about this problem The Workplace Doormat – Is That You?, Casual Crushes And Being The Marital Doormat and The insignificant errand lady.