Marriage or Charity? – Part II
Hello Athenas. Let’s continue our “Marriage or Charity?” discussion from the other day, shall we? There are many individuals who genuinely do not care if their spouses are normal or Specially Abled, so long as they are comfortable and compatible with one another. But of course, there’s always another side to the story.
Priya is a very intelligent, beautiful young woman earning a hefty salary in a reputed concern. She fell in love with her colleague Rajesh, a blind young man who was just as qualified as she was. She claimed that it was the courageous way in which he faced life’s challenges which attracted her to him. Her parents were against the match, but she fought tooth and nail and finally their love culminated in marriage. Their problems started soon after. Rajesh’s limitations, which Priya did not seem to mind during courtship, suddenly became a huge liability. She started seeing problems where previously none had existed. The couple stays married to this day, but not a day goes by without Priya pointing out in no uncertain terms all that she had “sacrificed” by marrying him. Now where has all the love gone?
Sandeep, a young IT professional, made it his mission to give “life” to a Specially Abled girl. Accordingly, he chose a girl affected by polio in both legs and married her. A very good deed indeed. Except for the fact that the girl has to listen to what a great thing he has done for her – both from him and her mother-in-law and how she should feel grateful to him! Now, I can totally see him qualify for the Martyr of the Century award.
There are many such instances which tell both sides of the story. Unfortunately, too many of the people (both men and women) who have Specially Abled spouses seem to think they have done something great.
For all those who are aspiring to be martyrs out there, let me tell you one thing. Being Specially Abled is just an aberration, an obstacle at best, just as being poverty-stricken is an obstacle to be surmounted. We admire and respect the people who have overcome poverty to be successful in life. Let’s extend the same courtesy to those with special needs who have overcome enormous odds to be where they are today. Let’s not give ourselves martyr-like airs if we choose to marry a Specially Abled person.
Its not the same being married to a normal person or to a person with special needs. In any sort of marriage what is required is both have to understand each other and respect each other. When you feel you are a martyr or if your spouse feels that they are good for nothing, there is bound to be an imbalance. Striking a balance is the key to a happy married life. Give and take of respect is of utmost importance. Lets learn to look beyond “I, me, myself” and give respect where respect is due.