Who Needs To Change?

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Who Needs To Change?

who needs to change

Yeah, yeah. Long time no hear. Well, I’m here now and would like to discuss something which has been bugging me for a while now. Since the topic under discussion is the doormat syndrome, I thought of putting it up.

A few days back, I started hearing noises. No, not in my head. Noises as in a woman was crying and sometimes screaming. Initially, it just sounded like a domestic argument which had gotten a little too loud. But the noises continued for a few days until my family members and I figured out it was coming from the apartment complex nearby and in all likelihood, it was the watchman bashing up his wife.

That Sunday, just as we were sitting down for breakfast, the screams and cries started once again. I had had enough. I stood up and grabbed my mobile and dialed the cops. Meantime, my brother went around to the apartment complex and got the exact door number and came back with the confirmation that it was indeed the security guard and his wife who were fighting and hurling verbal abuse at each other and the watchman was punctuating his volleys with frequent blows upon his wife. The police arrived on the scene and investigations were carried out. Finally, they came over to our house saying that it was not a case of domestic violence but merely the father disciplining the daughter because she was too much into social media and the like. Both the cops and my family realized that it was a blatant lie, but with the wife (the supposed victim) backing up the husband’s story, we couldn’t do anything. Later on, the husband and wife came around and asked if the noises had been really that loud. When we affirmed it, they apologized and went off.

This set me thinking. Not about the watchman bashing up his wife. No. It was the fact that even when the woman was offered a way out of the situation, she wouldn’t take it and instead chose to support her abuser. I’m not saying that she should have divorced him straight away (though that wouldn’t have been an altogether bad idea), but a few months or even a few hours behind bars might have straightened the husband out a bit.

This is just an illustration. There are tens of thousands of Indian women who would rather be a doormat and hush up physical violence than take a stand and fight for their right to lead dignified, abuse-free lives. Why is this? No, I’m not blaming society and the upbringing of women in this country, though they kind of sowed the seeds for doormatism. I’m blaming the women in question. It’s time to stop crying that “Oh we have been taught to adjust,” or “It’s women’s lot after all” and all such useless sentiments. They are excuses, nothing else. When you irritate a dog, it will bite back; if a bull is provoked, it will use its horns to either defend itself or gore its attacker. What do we women do? No prizes for guessing. That’s right. Eight out of ten women put up with physical abuse and at least six out ten defend their abusers when someone tries to help them out of the situation.

So please enlighten me here. Who needs to change? Laws are here to help us. It’s in our hands to make use of these laws judiciously. Survival instincts are in-built by nature in each of us. It’s up to us to kick-start those instincts and fight back. Being a doormat need not be a way of life for anyone gals.


More and more of us fall prey to this doormat syndrome. Its that we have all got used to the concept of accepting things even if they are wrong. Get out of the mold and read more and see if you are being treated like a doormat. Catch more with Casual Crushes And Being The Marital DoormatThe insignificant errand lady and Stop being a verbal doormat.

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3 Responses

  1. Bhagwad Park says:

    This is a contentious topic, and it’s a classic case of “You can take a horse to the water, but you can’t make it drink”. Women in India (at least in the cities) have the laws at the their disposal. Like in your example, the woman had the choice to put the fear of consequences into her husband, but she refused.

    This reason is precisely why laws in India go overboard. They are premised on the fact that women will not stand up for their rights. It is for this reason that divorce laws in India are not gender neutral as they should be.

    I hate this. Because of the refusal of woman to stand up for themselves, we have laws that treat the woman as a perpetual victim and a child. At some point of time, you simply have to put the onus of changing on the woman herself. I mean…we have the concept of adulthood in our Constitution. Adults are responsible for their own lives.

    Despite this, Indian society and laws insist on treating women like children and infantalizing them.

  2. mira says:

    Every woman should learn to stand up for herself and if she does not she has only herself to blame as it is she who chooses whether TO BE A VICTIM OR NOT.

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